I had this realization hit me this week. That I had been limiting my wife’s spending. Now, don’t get me wrong. We talk about every aspect of our budget. We both have an allowance of $50 a month to spend on whatever we want. So I was not limiting her there. Instead I was limiting her in another area because I don’t like it.
This is one of those things where I look at my wife, and I just don’t understand her. She loves celebrations. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, she loves them all. And balloons, she loves her balloons. Personally, I hate holidays, except Christmas. I love getting a gift or two from my wife, but I hate giving and receiving gifts from both sides of the family. I was hoping after we were married that gift exchanges would stop. But they haven’t. I am sooooo close to having my side of the family not give gifts though. So Close. Anyways… All that to say, I don’t like celebrating things.
But I know my wife does, so I go crazy and spoil her. I spend a lot of money on her, plan out things to do, where to eat, everything. And I love doing this for her. But I realized the other day that I have been limiting her ability to do this to me. While I have free reign of our money for her birthday, our anniversary, and Christmas; I have been limiting her in doing the same for me. Granted the majority of the money that I spend on her was already my play money (either from my allowance, bonuses, or my hustles), but still I was more than willing to put her wedding band on our Ben Bridge card and pay it off for the next few months just to give her a great anniversary present.
It’s hard for me because my birthday is coming up and I don’t want to do anything. Maybe go out to eat, but that’s it. I don’t want any presents. But right now as I write this, I have two wrapped presents staring me in the face. My hatred of celebrations, especially ones revolving around me, has caused me to limit what my wife can do to bless me.
For those that don’t know me, I am not at all one to shy away from bring up tough subjects. So I brought it up to Lindy. And talked it out. Now I don’t want you to get me wrong, it’s not like I said she can’t have any money to spend on me. She reminded me that my birthday was coming and we budgeted her money to spend on me. But I didn’t give her full reign. I didn’t say alright, buy whatever you want, just don’t go too crazy. But now I will.
And this is why it is a must to be open with each other and be willing to talk about the hard things. Financial fights between people often happen because one or both of you are being selfish. Putting your needs (or hatred of celebrations) before the other, which is exactly the opposite of what the Bible says. So talk things out.
Freakin hate balloons.
That’s a very insightful thing to realize and I’m sure it will strengthen your relationship. It’s human nature (for good people, anyway) to not want tons of attention, pampering, and gifts…but it’s definitely important to realize that denying the ability for the ones who love you to show they care isn’t always beneficial, even though its rooted in good, selfless intentions. And if they do want to spend more on you (both effort wise and money wise), it can be a win/win scenario!